Business School Student Buys CLA, Joins World's Poorest

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle) 01/21/2015 at 14:00 • Filed to: Satire

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Economists and the world at large were rocked this week by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that the world's richest 1% would soon have as much wealth as the bottom 50% combined. Aiding this disparity, albeit unknowingly, is third-year Mendoza MBA student Chad Kowalski, who just bought a brand-new Mercedes-Benz CLA250.

"I've always wanted a Benz, and this was too good of a deal to pass up," Mr. Kowalski said as he told a shocked worldwide press about the German automobile he purchased with a sixty-month loan from Bank of America. The loan, combined with his considerable student loan debt accumulated from his MBA studies and financing four years at Boston University without the help of scholarships, grants or even a job, leaves Mr. Kowalski with a net worth well into the negative six-figures. "It's not enough to buy the equipment to join the Mendoza hockey team, take the summer trip to Croatia, nor the winter trip to Telluride. If I want to build the right network, make the right friends here at Mendoza, I need the right car. This CLA is that car."

When asked about Mr. Kowalski's finances, economists quickly pointed out the considerable amount of money he would need to accumulate to reach wealth parity with a debt-free street beggar in Mumbai. "Mr. Kowalski's loans give him a comfortable lifestyle, but his wealth, if you could even call it that, is a nightmare," noted one expert.

Despite this, Mr. Kowalski says he's not nervous. "Once I start working at KPMG, where I'm sure I'll be hired, I'll be set for life."

505Turbeaux > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 14:02

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I see that satire tag, but I fail to see this not being true often enough

thebigbossyboss > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 14:06

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For Sweden this is great. 12/10.

Jonathan Harper > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 14:10

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Marvelous. I'm so glad I haven't had to talk any of my friends out of taking out loans to get cars they can't afford.

My one friend who bought a car got himself a '14 WRX premium, bought outright. He did gud.

Brian Silvestro > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 14:10

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"satire"

*looks out window*

Nibby > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 14:14

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I always thought KPMG's logo is... very similar to the older Fiat logos.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Brian Silvestro 01/21/2015 at 14:30

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Yeah check out that nice white 4 door Merc!

I'm talking about the Sable wth did you think I meant by white 4 door Merc?!

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 15:10

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In a CLA down by the river.

E92M3 > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 16:04

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Buy he needed the "peace of mind of a warranty"!

472CID > For Sweden 01/21/2015 at 18:08

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"Once I start working at KPMG, where I'm sure I'll be hired, I'll be set for life."

If I had a quarter for every time I've read "when I get out of school and work at x, I but a [insert expensive sporty car]"

gergey - Wishes vette was Datsun > For Sweden 01/22/2015 at 01:44

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Jalopnik is the new Onion. But seriously, that was really well written